
As the tales tell, living in London is expensive! Of course there are a lot more vacancies and opportunities on the job front but when you are against time, have bills to pay and need that extra bit of cash for your bits and bobs, sometimes you need to make sacrifices to survive in this never sleeping city.
I have become accustomed to cash-in-hand jobs, simple, weekly and pretty much easy to do. Having worked as an after school carer for two fantastic girls, it was a shame that the family I had worked with had less and less hours each week, eventually having no option but to wish me farewell. I was disappointed but when an advert on Gumtree looking for male and females of a certain standard to work for them, for what I would say is a decent hourly wage, I had no choice but to give it a go.
Meeting with the managing director was a pleasant experience, of course she was beautiful, successful and completely over-sold the job even mentioning that I could make up to £1,000 a week! This just seemed like a dream come true and exactly what I needed to get by and live. Boy oh boy was I wrong!!! (Please note I didn’t attend nor apply for this job on my own for fear it was a scam)
First of all, the requirements for the job was to always be well dressed and look like a complete drag queen in terms of makeup. Thick foundation (which I have never worn) bright pink blusher, bright pink lipstick, fake eyelashes and extremely heavy eye makeup. Not to mention, the pain and torture of constantly wearing heels. If you know me, you know I never wear heels.
Okay, so I should have decided there and then that this was not the job for me but I decided to lose myself for the sake of a few bob. Something I will never do again.
The first shift went well, I worked alongside a really lovely girl, we had fun and the time flew in and at £8 an hour, it got off to a great start and I thought wow, I can do this! Of course it was only handing out leaflets and promoting the venue we were at but all in all it was fun and I do enjoy people watching, as creepy as that sounds.
Extremely excited for the next shift and of course, working alongside a friend of mine was a bonus (she applied for the job the same time as myself) we headed off to see what else this job had in store.
But on this day, the lovely London was all doom and gloom thanks to the constant rain. We were handed a bunch of flyers and sent on our merry way. Well, let me tell you, there is nothing merry about standing in the torrential rain, wearing a flimsy jacket, a dress and heels. Oh and of course the five layers of thick makeup. I don’t know how I didn’t say “sod it” and head home but I stuck it out. On that delightful shift, we were ignored, people were rude, some laughed, some abused but there were the delightful few who kindly took a leaflet, gave a sympathetic look to merely throw it in the closest bin.
The manager of the club we were working with was, well, an ass. He rudely accused us of arriving 45 minutes late even though, to his embarrassment, we actually arrived 30 minutes early. His own fault for not checking before accusing. Without an apology and obviously not liking our attitude, he completely tortured us throughout the shift. He constantly watched us to make sure we did our job and also made it his business to make life harder as anytime we ducked for cover from the rain he would send us walking back into it. We eventually begged him for an umbrella, he eventually gave us one.
At 7.55pm, I had enough and we headed back to bid our farewell to be met by, well, the ass who told us we had 5 minutes left and were not finished yet. He obviously is not use to the Irish behaviour, we turned on our heels and headed for the bathroom completely ignoring his request. Yup, an ass!
I was nothing but relieved to have finished that shift but my god I wish someone had warned me that the night was about to become a whole lot worse. Asking for any shifts available (I was extremely stuck for cash) I was told to head to a well-known nightclub in Piccadilly Circus. Upon my arrival, I was one of three ’newbie’s’ and the one drowned rat. The temp manager gave us our orders to get changed. The bright pink, patent leather corset was not so bad. I have seen worse in Barcode on Halloween night. The pink and black lace skirt was bearable, the girls of our generation wear much less to their local pub but it was the bare legs and heels that killed me. Oh and of course I had to add another five-six layers of makeup.
So I was officially a ’shot-girl’ luxurious huh? Dressed like a Barbie doll, aching legs, blistering feet and wet hair; a large box of test-tube-like alcoholic shots were handed to me and I was sent on my way (I refuse to say merry way). The shift didn’t start off too bad, it was early and although the club was getting busier by the minute, majority were couples, groups of girls and people having a quick drink after work. The shots were all different favours; £3 each. Oh did I mention I got .75p for every one I sold? Very exciting I know! £1,000 a week it was more like .75p every two hours. These people were not stupid, Londoners are heavy drinkers and why pay £3 for a 14% shot when you could spend an extra £1 for the real deal.
As the night moved onwards, the nightclub became busier and certain individuals became more drunk. I am sure you know where this story is leading? Well, as I walked around looking like something from one of those live chat sex lines, men had somehow thought they were allowed to freely touch me. I was groped, I had men lift up my skirt, I was asked for hugs, kisses and my number in exchange they would by a shot. I had men complimenting me but they did while looking at by boobs. Walking through the crowd, they made it their business to blatantly harass me with their eyes. Wherever I showed some flesh, it was touched. Hell, I might as well have been grinding a pole in one of the Soho strip clubs. At least there, I probably would have gotten more respect.
I wanted to go. I wasn’t allowed. They had my bag and coat in a locked office which they “couldn’t” open, not until my shift was over. So I grumpily circled the crowds, barely making eye contact but as they told us “If you don’t push and try get them to buy, you won’t make any money.”
The night came to an end, I sold a measly 36 shots. I was given £22 at the end of the six hour shift. And no, the figures don’t add up because I must have dropped £5 somewhere along my degrading route. Lady luck had it in for me that night.
I eventually got home, it was getting bright out. I was never more happy than to hit the pillow and banish all thoughts of the night’s event’s. The following morning I was woken up to a phone call from the Managing Director. She told me to meet her same time, same place to do the same job that night. I said no. She became extremely aggravated, intimating and subtly rude. I told her no.
I then emailed her to ask how and when I was getting paid for the two promotional shifts I did. This is her reply:
“You both will get no where [sic] in life being that unprofessional contracts will be sent out next week and you can see how you get paid read thoroughly [sic]
Don’t contact me again you have both wasted so much of my time and effort i need to give it to my reliable staff”
Oh, did I not mention my friend had an even worse night and she too refused to work again. That email annoyed me, completely hypocritical as it was anything but professional on her behalf. I itched as I thought of what to say back. I was in a dilemma of whether to reply or simply let her gallop on her high horse. But being Irish, it is hard to hold your tongue. This was my reply:
“Really don’t appreciate what you just said. I can guarantee I will have an extremely satisfying career and life!!! I thought I would really like it and didn’t, It just wasn’t for me.
Once I am paid, you will not hear from me again.”
I am still waiting to be paid and the moral of the story? Well, for me. Never trust a woman who turns up to an interview, mutton dressed as lamb, make-up cemented on her face, a boob job that would give Pam Anderson a run for her money and the minute she says “girls, you could earn up to £1,000 a week” head for the door.
It was an unforgettable experience, one that will be packed into the “let’s not talk about it” file. But why not share this with you guys, after all I am a woman, what woman doesn’t enjoy a good rant and bitch.
KT_H
(Dedicated to JR)